"Kiddo"

A client called me that today. After I had (nicely, of course) explained to him why his approach to a certain issue was wrong. I don't know whether to laugh, be skeezed out, be insulted, or... blog about it.

Apparently I chose the final option!

I've had guys giving me "pet" names for a long time now, often inappropriately. "Babe" from a strictly (so he learned) platonic friend, "honey" from another friend, "sweetie" by a married bartender/friend (who didn't disclose his marriage until later), "champ" from a friend-friend, and even "kid." But in the business world? I wonder if the guy (middle-age father) went home saying "Oh goodness I can't believe I called her that." Or maybe it was intentional. (ala "I can't believe she called me out on being wrong, this'll put her in her place.") I hope it was the former.

I wonder what awaits me tomorrow!

Learning

So apparently I haven't posted in over a week. And I don't really have an excuse. I could say that life got in the way, but everyone else seems to manage - and not just manage, but continually write new, witty, inspiring posts daily - so I doubt that will fly :) I must say though, I am learning the hard way that having a blog is oh-so-different from reading blogs, and I am impressed with all you ladies out there who juggle jobs, friends, families, and write posts regularly. Do y'all sleep??

Seriously though, it's been a crazy week and a half:

- Work. With my boss out on maternity leave, work was a bit quieter for the first couple of weeks since all the incoming projects went to people in a different office first (I'm the only one in my group in my particular office) and then trickled back my way. Not so as of last week when clients apparently realized they can just call ME with their questions. Which is a total trip - people are calling ME to get answers. People think I have answers. Wow. And even scarier, I DO have some answers. Of course, I run them by the powers-that-be before giving them out, but I have been able to help a couple of clients solve a couple of problems.

- Friends. Have you ever decided that you miss friends from high school/college/grad school/summer camp/random summer job? I decided that this week. It may have had something to do with the hours I spent driving and listening to good music (and yes, getting paid to do it since it is for work)... but whatever the reason, I've gotten back in touch with several people in the last week, and had several hours of much-needed catch-up conversations. Luckily no one has had a kid since we last spoke, but one friend could have... she's had a bf for 9 months that I didn't know about! I also had a trip up to NYC and a Tapas party. (I will have to post the recipe for TexMex Pizza Bites Bf and I invented at the last minute.)

- Cooking. I decided to channel my inner Martha again (she's been hiding since I started work) and made a special dinner for Bf to enjoy when he got in on Friday. 3 hours on Thursday night and I had myself some Mexican Lasagna, a recipe from Pioneer Woman. (I can't find it right now or I would link it - sorry! It is amazing and shouldn't take that long - I'm just slow and picked a long-cooking rice - and if you want the recipe, let me know and I'll keep looking for it!)

- Cleaning. Yes, this is a recurring item, and every other week the entire mess seems to have grown back. I have the loaves and fishes of clothes and magazines. So I spend several hours each time before Bf comes home, cleaning/sorting/throwing out.

- Lounging. You may laugh, but this is an important item. Since Bf and I are long distance, we try for a bit of "normal life" when we're together. Rather than making our weekends "special" we often leave unplanned time to just lie around the house and cuddle - it's a special feeling with nothing hurrying us because our entire relationship is lived in hurried segments "visit" and "between visit" etc. Of course we did find time to indulge in a rainy afternoon at a gourmet chocolate shop. Truffle crispy fries, spiced Mexican hot chocolate, and a chocolate-coated-brownie ice cream sundae. Yes, we split it all :) And yes, I was worried I would have to roll home after.

- Clothes shopping. Put on a few pounds over the holidays and rather than fretting (I'd lost a lot of weight last summer while studying) I just decided to treat myself to some new work clothes. And cute PJs :)

- Last but not least, I found my Dream House. I told BF that I need it - not want it, but need it. I even told him I think it will cure my hives. (My hives continue to keep me busy too, but I'll save that for another post.)

So hopefully this counts as at least a semi-excuse, and I'll keep making an effort to post in the future!

Busy Week!

It's been a bit crazy the past week. First came the work stress - a sudden influx of new projects plus an accounting error (I found out it was an error today after stressing for a week) that made it look like I hadn't done any work recently. Then there was cleaning/packing the apartment (I decided to start rotating winter and summer clothes, and packing the off-season clothes away since even a walk-in closet doesn't seem to fit my clothes anymore). Add a couple of meetings for various organizations, and there was little time at night to play on the internet or to string together coherent thoughts.

Then this weekend, I was computer- and internet-free. Bf and I unplugged and took off to enjoy Valentine's Day just the two of us. We found a resort a couple of years ago (were sent there for an event by chance) and fell in love with it. We planned a vacation there just about this time last year, and had been meaning to go back ever since but hadn't gotten around to it. Well, it turned out perfectly. Spending Valentine's Day at an old-fashioned country-club type resort was pure bliss. The resort is in southern New Jersey, close to both Atlantic City and Cape May (it's just about an hour from Philly so it's an easy weekend trip). We spent time touring both quiet, sleepy Cape May and the not-so-quiet, but winter-off-season-sleepy Atlantic City. We also checked out some local restaurants, none of which were "perfect" like the places I used to think were important on V-day, but all of which were perfect for us. Not to sound totally cheesy - and 3-years-ago-Ellie is cringing as I say this - but any place is perfect when it's us. It really is just being with Bf that makes moments and memories.


Our happy place:

Slowly peeling off a BandAid

This weekend was great. Just like every weekend I spend with Bf. Despite my anxiety and short temper and fighting. Once again we're back to our pattern of serious fights we get in. Or that I get in... I am planning a major move with this man and discussing our future together, yet I also feel like just telling him I need a break, or just running away - or apparently being so witchy to him that I'll drive him away.

But somehow, thankfully, he can't be driven away. Even when I freak out and slam the bedroom door when he and his friend who is staying over that night say goodnight. Even when I pick a fight with him about Sunday morning pancakes. Who does that? But he just lets it go, gives me space when I push him away (yes both figuratively and literally), and comes to me with a huge hug as soon as I'm ok to see him without growling/shrieking.

Is my heart or my gut sending me a message that I'm just ignoring since Bf is so awesome? Am I simply not ready for this? Am I just a scaredy-pants?

I told him we are in a relationship that's the equivalent of slowly peeling off a BandAid, hair by hair. I don't deal well with change and rather than just ripping the BandAid off - jumping in - we're moving slowly and cautiously, giving my overactive worrying side plenty of time to work itself into a frenzy.

(In other news, we've made Stage 1 of the list! Crazy to think I may be in any one of a variety of places next year! I have to say, as much as I hated the distance from "home" when I was there, I'm silently rooting for my Grad School town!)

6:52

I have no idea why 6:52 has become my body's magic time. However, once again I shot wide awake at 6:52 this morning. And immediately knew this was not a morning I would be falling back asleep. Bf is still in bed, breathing heavily, and I'm out in the living room trying to figure out what to do until my car appointment in an hour.

Yesterday my car had an "issue" as we like to call them. It's an older-model Jeep, and has recently (for the last two years) been complaining about it's age. Nothing big. Just clunking around on sudden flat tires, emitting strange smells, refusing to start and needing a new battery, refusing to start and needing a new starter, refusing to start and.... you get the idea, and of course the time it started billowing smoke (which I was unaware of when I went to pick up my best friend, until she started waving frantically and screaming "Get! Out! Now!"). So we have an exciting history and yesterday was no exception. I was out in the boonies of my state and when I went to get in my car after my meetings, I noticed there was something hanging off the bottom and practically dragging on the ground. Hmmm, I thought, that doesn't look good. But being me, I quickly went to the most rustic looking gas station around, where they actually had a mechanic rather than just a Quick-E-Mart type guy, asked him if it was safe to drive home, and promptly called my home garage an hour away to make an appointment. I guess I'm just a creature of habit! After that, I made a beeline for home, of course heading out through country with no cell reception and few cars.

Anyway, clearly I'm fine and the car is still in one (almost one) piece. I hope y'all have a good weekend!

Lazy morning kicking off a fun weekend!

This morning I am working off-site for a few hours, starting at 10:30. The office is the opposite direction from my house from this site so to save time, I'm "working from home." Or maybe actually doing some work from home for the next hour until I pile into the car.

It was glorious to wake up at 7:45 - normally that's a weekend for me! My eyes opened at 6:52 as they do every weekday morning (yes I know that's random) and I had to coax my body back to sleep until the alarm went off almost an hour later. A few minutes of prayer relaxed me enough that I slipped back asleep easily.

Since I've been up I've already cleaned the kitchen - at least as solid a job as I could do in 30 min. Bf is coming home tonight and I didn't want it to look as though I've been totally messy the past two weeks. I have, of course, but he doesn't need to know that :) He actually loves me in spite of my messes - papers usually - and has, on several occasions, set to organizing them for me. Love him!

So that's my weekend plan. Hang with Bf, relax, see some friends, do our usual pancake/crossword breakfast tradition. Pure bliss :) That and get a new key, for several hundred dollars, for the 1900 front door with one of those "skeleton" keys that Bf lost at the stadium before we watched the Giants kick the Panthers' butts! Oh well, it can't all be fun!

Have a wonderful Friday!

One of those days

There are a million things I need to do tonight. And I don't feel like doing any of them. Tonight for some reason I'm just in need of cozying up in my pjs, vegging out in front of HGTV, reading, and eating some yogurt and honey. Yes that's an odd late-night snack, but I'm trying to cut out sugar from my diet because it got crazy over the holidays and because I've put on more than a few pounds since September. But on nights like tonight, when it's about 10 degrees out and I'm home alone, it's hard to resist the hot chocolate/vanilla ice cream snack I love so much. I wish I was home alone here:


There's something so perfectly farmhouse-ly cozy about that kitchen. I saw it online and am saving it away for the day in my future when I can afford a house!


On a side note, when I started this blog, I had no idea what I was getting into. But the more I wrote and started looking around at other blogs, the more I like it. I don't have a certain theme, but I'm just being me, the way so many of y'all are. It's amazing to see how many people out there have been doing this for years and doing it seriously. It's quite a community!

I think I need to "recover" from my education.

UPDATE: Sorry this is so long! If you don't have time/patience to read it all, please please go to the end and comment! It's for a good cause :) We are making "The List" this weekend!


My bro graduated last year and has not figured out what he wants to do with his life. In an effort to help him figure it out - and while he is in the midst of applying to the same grad program I recently completed - my mom bought him this book called "The Element" by Ken Robinson. Apparently she heard the author speak at a local art museum and found his discussion of how people are funneled into one type of learning, at the expense of creativity, quite fascinating (she's an art teacher and into all the creative stuff).

My mom is always trying to "help" everything so I was a bit skeptical when she said I could take it home because my bro wouldn't get to it for a while. But she persisted and - as I am after all in the midst of a huge re-discovery/self-actualization/figuring-out-what-I-want-from-life period - I picked it up last night. And I. Love. It.

The author talks about success stories of people like Mick Fleetwood, Matt Groening and other famous people who did not have stellar careers in school. It took them until after school to figure out their passions and start succeeding and even excelling. My favorite line: "Most of them didn't really discover what they could do -- and who they really were -- until they'd left school and recovered from their education." Recovered from their education. Love it.

And it definitely resonates with me. It's like my "escalator" story. As I did well in school, I kept getting pushed higher and higher, but only along one track (with one destination - a tiny handful of "elite" professions) with no option to jump onto a different "alternative" path in life. This book is instilling hope in me. Hope that I can find my true passion and not "settle" for a career (just as I would never settle for a guy). Hope that I can start anew even after all my specialized schooling. Hope that I can tap into a long-hidden (and creative!?) part of myself that hopefully still is aflicker with a bit of life.

Recently I've been getting excited about the future for the first time in a while. (Probably for the first time since I was six and still wanted to be a horse trainer!) Perhaps because I finally am starting to feel free. For so long I have known almost exactly where I would end up. Suddenly, once I discovered the option, and found the courage, to look away from my "chosen" career, a whole slew of possibilities has opened. I could be a graphic designer! (Yes, I know that requires some artistic background...) I could be a writer! A landscape architect! A realtor. A social worker. And the list goes on. It's good times being me :)

The whole problem with my landlord/impending possibility of eviction is another freeing thing. I know that sounds crazy but this house has been stressful for me with this crazy landlord. If he wants to try to evict me because I reported him for violating a law, fine. I'm not going to roll over because he's just royally pissed me off, but getting out of here 5-6 months early is very freeing! So maybe I won't try too hard to keep the place ;)

This all frees me up to move somewhere else - anywhere else - in the country. The bf is about to finish his grad program and he knows exactly what he wants to do. He has known since he was like three. He just has to find the right job. So location may need to be flexible. And I'm fine with that. If I'm leaving my job, it may make it easier if I'm moving elsewhere... easier explanation when I give my notice. And I get to - and have to - figure out my new career. Exciting!

We've set an 8-hour radius from the New York area as our primary target. But we are willing to consider places ouside that range if they're extra special. For exampe, Denver may be on the list. We're obsessed with a few places, but those will remain a secret for right now :) I want to know, what are good places to live? If you had life laid out before you and could pick anywhere, would you pick where you are? Somewhere you've visited or have friends? Somewhere you used to live? I'd love to consider new places so please comment!

Detaching

UPDATE: Sometimes all it takes is a heartfelt "I love you" to remind me what I'm doing in this relationship :)


I've been in a long distance relationship for just about three years. The same length of time I've been with the bf. He was wary going in - having been burned in a prior long distance relationship - while i dove in naively. I did o.k. the first year. I was back at grad school, busy with work and friends, and getting used to the whole idea of relationships. My track record up to that point was lots of fun, not too much commitment, so having distance was a blessing rather than a curse.

The next year was a bit harder. I was finishing grad school but many of my friends had graduated. Plus I was settling into the relationship and we were seeing each other pretty much weekly. So the two- and three-week stretches without seeing each other were harder. But still all o.k. - I still enjoyed having my "me" time.

Fast forward to this year. It's not that I don't like "me" time. In fact, right now, as I'm watching Jon and Kate plus 8, I'm relishing my alone time. (The bf isn't very into Jon and Kate no matter how much I try.) But seriously, this year has been hard. I have cried more than I think I ever have. And I hate crying in front of people - HATE it. But each weekend saying goodbye I become Waterworks Girl again.

The last weekend we spent together was the worst - we were entering three weeks apart, and knowing we were going that long was hard. Plus the bf insisted on playing these sad songs on his keyboard. Which just made me sadder. And MAD. I need to repress those emotions and detach from them, not dive into them and indulge them.

Well I've detached. In the third week, fifteen days in, I'm back to being my old self. I'm basically like "whatever." When we're on the phone I'm like "O.k. bye." And it doesn't help when he needs to have serious talks b/c in my "whatever" state, I have a hard time listening (or caring) that he feels hurt or lonely or whatever. Honestly, I should feel bad but really, it's just self-preservation. I'm already anxious enough - I think my mind/heart/subconscious realize that this could be what pushes me over the edge.

Maybe I need new coping strategies...

When it Rains it Pours These Days

So not only am I now fighting my landlord, but also my computer died Thursday night. Took it into work yesterday and the awesome Tech guy looked at it, shook his head and told me I could ask someone to fix it but it would probably make more sense to get a new one. The Dell guy echoed that this morning, and the Geek Squad guy was like no way is it worth it to fix this. The upside? New Gateway computer, no more slow old computer. I buy it and take it home.

And the rain comes down in sheets...
I go to turn it on and it seems odd, but I persist. Fifteen minutes later I think ok something is definitely wrong. I try to troubleshoot with Gateway. The woman on the other end is angry, mean, nasty, and apparently deaf, making it a rough convo. Bottom line? It would be "prudent" to return it. Half hour back to the store and more waiting, but they were helpful and set it all up for me. So I'm back!

And the winds start blowing...
I get home and the internet is crapping out. I call the internet provider and sort that out in half an hour or so. The router is locking this computer out, and of course I can't remember any of the password info I gave it a few months ago. Awesome!

And the hurricane is full-force...
My brother needs back surgery. Risks include nerve damage, paralysis, infections, etc. He's in massive pain though, which, for a 23-year-old is just absurd! Keep him in your prayers :(

What's that old saying?

Is it "There's no combination more dangerous than stupid and arrogant"? Or something to that effect?

That is my landlord. Just as I started to get onto a posting roll, I may drop off a bit while I deal with him and his insanity. Honestly, I want to wear a colander covered in tin foil and tell him "They're coooommmmming." What a bleephead.

Looking Back

Looking back on my post yesterday, I realize that I was a bit more worked up than perhaps the situation warranted... just maybe :) I don't know why, but today I've felt very at peace with the world. Controlling, Type-A Moi? Indeed! I was running late for a train this evening after a long day and as I hurried along with that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, I suddenly thought "What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst that could happen if I miss this train? I wait an hour for the next one." Normally, this would be enough to send me scampering, but not today. I just thought "Okay."

Earlier in the day, I had found myself looking back on the last few years. Over all my struggles in grad school and since I graduated, over all the promises I made to myself and all the ones I've broken. And I suddenly smiled. I had this thought that "Oh my gosh, I've DONE it. I finished grad school, found a good job, and have been working successfully." This freed my mind to draw the following conclusion: even if I quit tomorrow, I've still done what I set out to do with grad school. So what if it wasn't "The One" career-wise... I've persevered and have not let myself down.

Maybe my zen moment with the train makes more sense now :) I hope my mind can keep this going!


UPDATE: I just realized that I was also more zen about stomach bugs earlier today. I hate, hate, HATE throwing up, and have long been afraid of going anywhere near anyone who is or may be sick. I'm the girl who feels sick when she sees someone throwing up on the side of the highway or hears a stranger throwing up in a public bathroom, and don't even get me started about the ER!! Gag! But today, I calmly dealt with spending a bunch of time with a coworker who then disclosed to me that his daughter had thrown up on him yesterday. Gross! But I'll be ok. Besides, I'll have to deal with it some day in the future - unless I plan on having kids who somehow can't/don't throw up. Hmmm... if only!

OMG. Worst. Shopping. Trip. Ever.

So I head out on my way to get my only-semi-crunchy-hat-obsession, preparing to drive 20 or so miles to get to the closest EMS. I'm driving along and I see a cop so I make sure I am not speeding. 40, perfect. Relax and drive. About 10 seconds later the cop pulls out, speeds up behind me and pulls me over. Normally, when a cop pulls me over I freak out - I'm usually speeding or whatnot - because I know he "caught" me. Not this time. I immediately pull over, roll down my window, and impatiently wait for him to do whatever he's doing, so that as soon as he's in earshot I can ask "I'm sorry officer, WHAT did you pull me over for???" His answer: "I saw you on your cell phone." Me: "WHAT????"

Now, I won't lie and say I've never been on my cellphone in the car since the law banning that has been passed. I have a headset but sometimes get on the phone quickly on speaker to check in with someone. But this time I HAD. NOT. BEEN. ON. THE. PHONE. So unfair! So I tell him this very clearly, and he asks for my license and registration, etc. I ask if he wants my insurance too. He says sure. At this point I'm really mad - and shaky, because it's still scary even though I knew I'd done nothing wrong - and I again say "Sir, I WAS NOT on the phone. I swear!" Then he does something abhorrent.

HE WINKS. Winks at me, smiles, and says, "We'll I'll let you off this time." Winks, as if he's doing me a favor, as if we're friends or something. UGH. GROSS.

I end up driving off, calling my boyfriend to freak out and getting more and more worked up. I know my shopping won't go well if I'm this upset, so I get BF to give me the Police Department phone number. I call and speak to the dispatcher - end result? She tells me I have a verbal warning because I "must have proven to him that I wasn't doing what he thought I was." So I'm like great, now I wasn't doing it and it's still in the computer record when they pull me up! The dispatcher assured me no one will see it but I don't know... anyone have experience/knowledge on that front?

Anyway, on to the rest of the shopping trip. I get to EMS, beeline for the hat (hatS actually, because I loved another too), try it on, and it is PERFECT. I had been worried it would itch but it was the coziest, comfiest thing ever. I take it to the register and it rings up as FORTY DOLLARS. Now that is the list price but the online price was less than half of that. And the other one is THIRTY. I get all upset again and leave. I come home (reverse that good ol' 20mile trip) and log on to ems.com, and of course it says "ONLINE ONLY" now. My bad.

So two bad things, one my fault the other SO NOT. Off to run this off - or walk if my lungs are protesting too much...

I guess it runs in the family

My dad has a huge family: 9 sibs, their spouses, kids, and grandchildren. Since they are literally scattered across the country (from Boston to Denver to El Paso) we never saw them much growing up. Without two family reunions when I was thirteen and fifteen, I would never have met many of them. But apparently, similarities run in the family.

The obsessions with flamingos and Aruba and crossword puzzles are just the beginning for me and one of my aunts. In the midst of my uncertainty about the future, with all the swirling anxieties I've been feeling and the lonliness of wondering if anyone else feels the same, my aunt apparently went through the exact same thing a few decades ago. She was a college grad who went straight through law school, passed the bar, and started at a firm. And shortly into her career, she began questioning if this was the life for her. Apparently her "moment" was a sit-down with partners where they spoke of the future, about how they think, and about the thinking they wanted to see in their fellow partners. And her thoughts, as those old men droned on across the table, concluded that she did not think the way those partners did nor did she ever want to. She left and went to work for a non-profit women's organization for which she had been volunteering.

Having not seen these women - my aunts and my grandma - since I was fifteen or so, I can't pretend there wasn't any awkwardness when I first showed up at their house. We chatted for several hours and had lunch, but it was all polite chitchat. Then my dad showed up and one aunt and my grandma headed off to Mass with him. I was feeling awkward and said my goodbyes, thinking I would just get on the road, rather than have to make small talk with Aunt Nan for the next hour or so. But suddenly, the crew was banging back in the door after church, and we were shocked to realize over two hours had passed.

I had to leave shortly after to get back to my home before I got too tired. (10 is stretching it for me on the driving these days; I have NO idea how I used to drive back from law school from like 8 pm to 3am!) But Nan gave me an open invitation to chat anytime - and I really want to take her up on it. But I feel slightly odd about it. It's like making friends with an Aunt. Who's 30 years or so older. I know she's family - and believe me she and her sister are SO welcoming - but it still feels a little off to be forging a relationship.

I thought I remembered a quote along the lines of: "change is uncomfortable" or "new growth only comes from taking risks/feeling adrift/etc." It drove me crazy so I finally went to search for it and didn't find the exact quote but found some good ones.

Close to what I was thinking, but with a slightly more history-buff slant: "Those who expect moments of change to be comfortable and free of conflict have not learned their history."

For the broader life lesson reminding me why change is good: "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living."

And I really like this one: "Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers."

I'm off to buy a cozy, slightly-crunchy hat I fell in love with - probably part of my new simpler-life obsession... Have a great Sunday!

TGIF

or S I guess by now. Another week down, and man, those four days did NOT feel like a short week. Maybe it's just because my boss was leaving on maternity leave yesterday afternoon, but the entire week had the feeling of a fire drill - practicing and prepping for holding down the fort (with help of course) on my 5 months of work experience.

It's funny. I've always enjoyed interviewing. Maybe it's the time I spent growing up in one of "those" Connecticut towns, but somehow, the game of the interview intrigues me. The side effect of this enjoyment is that I get really into the interviews, and get myself believing everything I say. You want responsibility early? Yep! Sure! Where do I sign?

But do I? Sometimes I enjoy speaking to clients and doing front-line work, etc. Other times I wish I was hidden in a cube in some ginormous office in New York, working in obscurity with (relatively) not a care in the world. Responsibility, it's such a weight!

Right now I get ample time to reflect on all this and my future (my new, or not so new, favorite hobby). I have a four hour drive to Boston to see my grandmother for the afternoon. Yes, it sounds crazy to do an 8-hour trip to see her for a few hours. But it sure beats a day trip to New Mexico, right?!?

Beating the blues and my brown thumb.

Around this time of year, I usually have a hard time remembering that the days are getting longer. Instead, I tend to focus on the half-empty side of the sun that I don't see all that much for these few months.

I grumble when I rise before it's light, stumbling to find my alarm and get a light on before inertia wins and I flop back into bed and pass out again. I turn on only a few lights on my way into the kitchen, where on good days I find joy in the stark winter sunrise out my kitchen window. I walk to catch the train - an effort to absorb any glimmers of hope I can - before shutting myself in my florescent office for the rest of the daylight.

Now this is not to say I don't see the sun at all after I arrive at work. I am lucky enough to have large windows in my office. And I see the sun directly for approximately 48 minutes each morning as it crosses between two buildings and shines in my window - rendering my computer screen invisible, usually around the time I have to answer a question for a client or a partner. But then the shadows descend again and I crank up my heater to combat the sudden chill in the air.

By the time I lace up my boots to begin the trek home, the sun is long gone, and with it the last traces of warmth from the air. These are the times when, returning to my house, I am ever more thankful for the signs of life in my house - the plants and flowers that help me beat back the darkness and the winter blues.


Note: Plants are one area in which my Martha skills are sorely lacking. As someone with a so-called "brown thumb," I am always eager to hear tips for plant successes, so please, tip away!

21

No, that is not or the number of pairs of shoes I own (that number is greater, I must confess). Nor is it the number of shots I did on that birthday (that number is fewer, thankfully, though I came close) - my, how old I feel now! No, 21 is the number of new projects I was put on today.

Now, it isn't unusual for me to be on 21 matters at a time. That, or more, is normal for my chosen career. But it is mindblowing to receive 21 new ones in one day - actually, within 30 seconds of opening my email account this morning. Mindblowing in an erase-the-long-weekend way. Mindblowing in a put-my-head-in-my-hands way. Mindblowing in a way that makes me wonder if I should just head for the exits now. Incidentally, as we all gathered in a conference room to watch the Inauguration at midday, I found Obama's words spurring me on to quit, to seek a life with greater purpose, to seek a life doing greater good.

However, rather than poetically leaving the glass conference room in a bold statement of Change!, I simply returned to my desk to start practicing my juggling, since it will take a great deal of agility to keep these balls in the air for the next three months until my boss comes back from maternity leave. This is my same boss who doesn't even want to go out on leave and keeps moaning about how bored she'll be and how she feels useless staying at home. I'll save THAT for another day when I have a less desperate need for a homemade brownie sundae...