Slowly peeling off a BandAid

This weekend was great. Just like every weekend I spend with Bf. Despite my anxiety and short temper and fighting. Once again we're back to our pattern of serious fights we get in. Or that I get in... I am planning a major move with this man and discussing our future together, yet I also feel like just telling him I need a break, or just running away - or apparently being so witchy to him that I'll drive him away.

But somehow, thankfully, he can't be driven away. Even when I freak out and slam the bedroom door when he and his friend who is staying over that night say goodnight. Even when I pick a fight with him about Sunday morning pancakes. Who does that? But he just lets it go, gives me space when I push him away (yes both figuratively and literally), and comes to me with a huge hug as soon as I'm ok to see him without growling/shrieking.

Is my heart or my gut sending me a message that I'm just ignoring since Bf is so awesome? Am I simply not ready for this? Am I just a scaredy-pants?

I told him we are in a relationship that's the equivalent of slowly peeling off a BandAid, hair by hair. I don't deal well with change and rather than just ripping the BandAid off - jumping in - we're moving slowly and cautiously, giving my overactive worrying side plenty of time to work itself into a frenzy.

(In other news, we've made Stage 1 of the list! Crazy to think I may be in any one of a variety of places next year! I have to say, as much as I hated the distance from "home" when I was there, I'm silently rooting for my Grad School town!)